I am new to this but everyone gets feelings of being alone or " not there" IT will pass when you know that theres a time and place to be serious and a time to play just don't worry when you have time to play it will stress you OUT! Enjoy the good times and remember,you can plan your life but,life can have plans for you...
I used to be sure of who I am and what makes me happy, how to have fun, how to have friends, and I used to know exactly what to say in each situation. Now I'm not anymore...
But thanks for all your words of comfort anyhow. *huggles*
I honestly really think it is just your perception. You do "belong"... we are all friends, are we not? Some of us you talk to icq, some of us you talk to on aim, and some only on irc... but we're just people.. you don't have to define it as a 'community' persay. Bleh I am babbling but really, you are pei, I am Lele, the others are who they are...*shrugs* .. as long as we're having fun, right? That's what counts
Why are you feeling that way? You still belong of cuz, oh my gosh, what are you thinking? We lubs our pei. Plus, you're the one of the admins. It's like protagonist of the protagonists.
Aw Pei! I was just talking about how I felt the same way in the protagonist chat. See? We have alot of things in common *leaves before the scarey thought of pei & erin having something in common settles into pei's mind*
All of the sudden I realize how out of it I've really been. Ever since I got back from KL (or perhaps before that), I've been feeling out of place everywhere where I used to fit right in with. Now I'm just going on, visiting all the familiar places but feeling like a stranger. Because everything is strange to me now.
I'm just putting up a mask, laughing along with everything and pretending that I still belong. That everything is all right. But inside, I feel like crying because I know what I've lost out on. I used to love this community so much, and I used to wonder how on earth did I manage to find a group of people online that I can care about so much and be cared for in return. And I cherished it.
And somewhere, somehow, something has changed. Everything is just a memory now. I remember the good times I used to have, and I see it now that I don't belong. I did, but I don't anymore. I've been lying to myself all along, lying to everyone else. Nothing is real to me anymore.
Maybe I'm just confused. But there is this distance now.
